Will and Beyond

Operation Orange: Still Pasty

To sum it up: failure. There are two days left and I’m as pasty as ever. I was hoping to update more frequently as I turned differenet degrees of orange, but no such luck. You can see how my upper leg (never gets tan) looked compared to a carrot on day 0, and it looks the same now. I had also heard that your palms and feet get orange first, but no sign there either.

Rules update. Upon further evaluation, we decided to get rid of the weird beverage rules and increase the amount from 50% to 60%.

Self-regulation. At first I was weighing everything I ate, to ensure that I would be eating at least 60% by weight. After the first week, I found that as long as I was eating at least 12 carrots a day, I just wouldn’t eat less than 65% by weight. Carrots are surprisingly filling. I would generally eat a ton of carrots earlier in the day to build up a surplus, then eat about half what I normally would for lunch.

Carrot recipes. More than 2 weeks later I finally decided to make some carrot recipes. I went with Carrots Au Gratin, Cafeteria Carrot Souffle, and Maple Dill Carrots. All were very good, and worth the effort, but I’m lazy so most carrots I just ate raw, unwashed and unpeeled.

Well, I’m disappointed. Towards the end I was staying 100% loyal to the challenge, I would still eat carrots everyday, but for instance when I travelled to Houston, I didn’t quite eat as many carrots as I should have. After seeing no change, it was a little disheartening, so I just wasn’t motivated enough.

Any suggestions for my next food challenge?

Oh, such a failure.
Still not sick of the carrots,
But still not orange.

Godspeed.

Operation Orange

It’s been a while since my last ridiculous food challenge. Too long. After last year’s week of rations, it was proposed to me to eat nothing but carrots to see if I turn orange. This sounds like my kind of thing, but I refused to pay for the carrots myself, just like I wouldn’t have paid for emergency rations.

More than a year later, people have agreed to sponsor me. For one month, I will eat at least 50% (by weight) carrots. Hopefully I will turn orange. The initial goal was 75%, but after yesterday, I realized it was nearly impossible to maintain a reasonable caloric intake, since a carrot only has about 30 calories.

Having been supplied with a balanced, I massed out each carrot in a 5 pound bag, and came out with an average of 100 +/- 20g. I will mass all of my food, and be sure that I eat at least that much in carrots.

Additional rules:
Every 12 fl. oz. of light colored liquid requires 1 carrot, or 6 fl. oz. of darker liquid. (Obviously excluding water.)
Carrot containing materials (carrot juice, carrot cake, etc.) are neutral and do not count towards food or carrots.
Final balance must be over 50% by the end of the day (when I sleep) and excess does not roll over.

The best way to do this would be to take a biopsy beforehand, and take a UV-Vis in DMSO, but apparently biopsies leave scars, so I’ll have to settle for the less scientific method of comparing my upper leg (which never sees the sun) to a carrot over the course of the experiment.

[Photo: Flickr]

Why do I do this?
Will be so sick of carrots
Cheaper than burgers

Godspeed.

Five Guys Challenge: The Heartstopping Finale

The thrilling conclusion to my Five Guys Challenge!

Here it is, a picture of me eating a 13 patty cheeseburger. This was took about 40 minutes to finish, the last 15 minutes being the last 3 bites. That’s how I knew that it was the maximum. I’m not going to buy 14 to confirm this, as I don’t want to pay $30 to validate my failure. It was a good run. (But probably not for my body.) (Just kidding, I’m immortal.)

Everything was going as planned, increasing by one patty per week, when the Five Guys people said the best they could find confirmed was someone ordering a 12 patty burger. My wallet was beginning to get annoyed with this challenge, so I decided to go for the gusto, and just jump from 9 to 13.

That next week they had pictures of a 21 patty burger that they found, and there’s really no hope for me then. Sorry guys, I’m not quite that impressive. Initially I decided I would try it; the next week I would get 17, then plan from there. That plan quickly disappeared as I ate the burger.

I’m pretty proud of myself, it was fun, and this makes an excellent profile picture now. Stay tuned for my next exciting food challenge later this summer. (Ooo, cliffhanger!)

Dearest arteries,
Sorry about this challenge.
Signed, Immortal Will.

Godspeed.

Five Guys Challenge

What’s this? A Five Guys cheeseburger with 4 patties instead of 2? That’s right, I have given myself another food challenge.

Everytime I go to Five Guys, I will increase my patty count by 1 until I hit my breaking point. (Can’t finish and/or puke.)

My usual toppings: Lettuce, mayo, mustard, green pepper, sometimes BBQ.

Fries on the side are optional, but I’ll probably stop getting them at some point soon just because adding on patties gets expensive ($1.40/patty).

What will be my breaking point? Guesses currently range from 6-10.

I am so healthy
Delicious, delicious meat
But when will I fail?

Godspeed.

A Week of (Expired) Rations: Day 5

Day 5 was a piece of cake. A piece of dry, lemony, crumbly, cake. But really, it was quite easy for the first 20 hours. Then 8:00pm rolled around, and I went to Trader Joe’s to buy food for my midnight dinner.

Walking through that store looking at all that food was torture. Passing by the sample station and not eating food??? Blasphemy! I got home, and watched The Simpsons movie, while I ate some more rations, and drank some more water. Tasty…

10:45pm rolled around, and it was time to start making my dinner. I had decided on Chicken Bacon Penne with Creamy Avocado sauce. I had decided before I went to TJ’s, since that’s what I bought groceries for. First I cooked the bacon. The smell of bacon will drive anyone mad, let alone someone who hasn’t eaten normal food in 5 days.

Then I made the chicken, while I started on the sauce. I was going to buy TJ’s guacomole in place of avocado, but they were out, so I just bought fresh avocados. Having never used fresh avocados before, I didn’t think to check if they were ripe, nor would I know how to. (Though, I did look it up later.) I peeled them, then found out they were very hard, and not squishy, so they sadly went to waste.

The sauce just ended up being a cheesy (ricotta) creamy sauce, but it was still good as I would soon find out. I looked at my computer clock at one point and saw that it said 12:04am. I sprinted back into the kitchen and started gobbling bacon. Orgasmic doesn’t even begin to describe the taste. And I didn’t even have to change my pants.

The experiment was fun and torturous, but it makes for a good story. I definitely don’t regret doing it; stupid ideas like this are my thing. Will I ever eat these rations again? Of course, over the course of the week they kinda grew on me. You may scoff at them, but if they’re good enough for disaster survivalists, they’re good enough for me.

Fun experiment
I enjoyed the lemon cake
Now, back to real food

Godspeed.

A Week of (Expired) Rations: Day 4

Had a headache yesterday because I forgot to eat for a while. It’s not just the rations though, that happens even when I’m eating real food. I haven’t been keeping close track of how much I’ve been eating, but I think it’s somewhere in the 1400-1600 calorie range. Just however much it takes to make me not hungry.

Been drinking lots and lots of water. I wonder how long I could do this for. Clearly I would need some sort of serious motivation; whether it be money or fame. (Will and Beyond doesn’t quite count…) Probably a while, and that would make my feast all the more glorious.

Speaking of water, I’m glad I’m just drinking normal water, and not emergency water, like pictured above, or the packets I have, pictured here.

Oh man, oh man, less than 14 hours to go. I’m so close that I can taste it. I’m going to start cooking at like 10 or 11 tonight, so that way, the second the clock strikes midnight, I’m beginning my feast? Any suggestions for a first meal?

Photo: Flickr

I kinda miss food
How long could I do this for?
Not gonna find out

Godspeed.

A Week of (Expired) Rations: Day 3

Day 3 was a success, and as it’s passed noon, I’m more than 70% done with this little experiment. This has definitely gotten easier over time, but I’d be lying if the sight, smell, and discussion of food still didn’t make me long for real food…

It’s been entertaining to hear people’s response when I tell them what I’m doing. A few people think it’s a great idea, but more think I’m an idiot. I too would think I’m an idiot. In fact, I’d probably be a huge jerk and torture the person, but let’s not get any ideas.

I’ve gotten most people to try the rations, and most people are pretty disgusted by them. A few people have seen it as I do, that they’re not that bad. Nobody’s claiming they’re good, but they’re tolerable. Those rations pictured above look just about as tasty, but they come with an awesome pictoral instruction manual.

On a completely unrelated note, here’s a sad article about the looming death of the Mars Phoenix rover.

Photo: Flickr

Delicious rations
Consider the challenge met
Two more days ’til food

Godspeed.