Ask Doctor Celestino, Round 4

October 3rd, 2005 - Hi everybody, Dr. Celestino here! Long time no see, aint' it? For those who don't know, I'm the world's foremost authority on podiatry, and I'm ready to walk you thru any questions you guys can shoe out. So let's get this column 'kick' started! ... Too 'corn'-y? Well too bad, 'cause we're off and running! I can go toe to toe with any query you got! Sock it to me! Haha.. more like put a sock in it, eh?

Why the fuck do you look just as good in your girlfriend's pants as she does?
-Shashi

Hmm.. a personal question, but a question nonetheless. In case you don't know what the question is refering to, check out this pic and this pic.

Well, you see, I was raised as a girl by my parents. In fact, when they would take me out in my stroller, onlookers would say "Aww, what a cute girl you have!" and my parents would simply say "Why yes! She is adorable, thank you!" So, to answer your question, I have my awesome parents, Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Celestino, to thank for providing me with the milkshake that I needed to be better than yours.

Damn right, it's better than yours.

So I wonder why fudge is always square? Why no circles?
- Diannna

This answer is simple logistics (note to self: look up the definition of logistics). You see, fudge is made in a rectangular pan. Now, try cutting it into circles without having those weird star shaped things left over. By using squares, you don't have these annoying left overs. Plus, imagine a whole bunch of fudge circles stacked on top of each other. If you're like me, you'll think it looks like poo. No one wants to eat poo, now do they?

Would giant squid taste good?
- Jialu

A giant squid would taste the same as regular squid, except it would taste bigger.

BTW, they caught live pictures of a giant squid in Japan or some place like that.

And now, an update on Nina's question from the last column about where babies come from. After tons of hours in the public library, I've decerned that sexual intercourse may or may not play a role in the process of baby making. Being the brave and daring researcher that I am, I will now offer myself to science to help find the answer to this baby production conundrum. However, if you are also brave and daring, and female, you too can offer yourself to my scientific endeavors!

So, if you are a good-looking Asian girl with breasts and a vagina, sideways or any other orientation, shoot me an email with a picture as well as measurements, and we can experiment in sexual intercourse and see what we produce! Ah... I love the scientific method... backwards-riding cowgirl method ain't so bad either...

Oh, and also, try not to let the Official Girlfriend of Dr. Celestino know about this "experiment". Because she just hates science, and she would ruin the experiment if she found out I was experimenting with other women.

Why don't guys share beds and girls do?
-Annie

I didn't know the answer to this, so I conducted research by sleeping with as many men as I could. The results will astound you!!!

Haha, no, I'm kidding, I did not actually go out and sleep with men to furthur science. However, I have watched several videos of girls sleeping with other girls, but that was well before you sent this question in.

Um.. yeah, so guys don't sleep with guys? That's not necessarily true. The host of this site, Will has been quoted to have said "I've slept with all my friends!" Will (we assume) is a guy, his group of friends contains guys, thus, guys can indeed sleep with guys.

It's mostly fear of catching the dreaded homogay that prevents guys from sharing a bed. I personally will learn to sleep standing up than share a bed with a fellow penis weilder, but that's just because when I sleep, I tend to have a habit of cuddling, spooning, or dry humping anything within arms reach. I don't sleep next to men so that I don't wake up with my hand up someone else's hairy ass.

I assume other reasons that guys don't sleep with guys are similar to this. When we sleep, guys can do weird stuff. Or have nocturnal emissions. So really, guy/guy bed sharing is very much doable, but the risk of penis/penis contact is always a constant threat.

And girls can sleep with other girls because that's SO hot.

And on a very side note, if a monkey can do it, you can too. Smoke! I mean.. don't! Quit!

Well, I'm pooped. More Dr. C coming at ya soon, but I need more questions! So ask away, no matter what the question is. Remember: there are no dumb questions, but I've got plenty of dumb answers. See ya next time!


This posted tagged as: ask doctor celestino

Recent posts tagged as ask doctor celestino:

• Ask Doctor Celestino, Round 8
• Ask Doctor Celestino, Round 7
• Ask Doctor Celestino, Round 6

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